


monsters

by iamalystark



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Adorable Peter Parker, Angst, Eating Disorders, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Sad Peter Parker, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-05
Updated: 2019-10-23
Packaged: 2020-11-24 03:28:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 11,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20900915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iamalystark/pseuds/iamalystark
Summary: Delilah Hogan had always heard the monsters, the voices in her head. It wasn't until she started listening to them that she began to spiral. But when a light with the name of Peter Parker appears, will that change? Or will she silence the monsters once and for all?





	1. Familiar Name

**Author's Note:**

> Please, please, please read the tags. This story deals with so.e very sensitive topics

Delilah sighed softly as she adjusted her books in her arms.

"Hey deli meat!" A voice called. Delilah flinched, trying to ignore them.

"Hey freak, I'm talking to you!" The voice snapped. Delilah bit her lip and stopped walking, turning around.

There stood Kristen Riley, the most popular girl in tenth grade. "What, Kristen?" Delilah asked quietly.

"Where'd you get that shirt? A second hand store?" Kristen's best friend, Piper Nelson, sneered.

"Yeah, there is no way you could afford a Michael Kors. And look, it's torn." Kristen pointed out and Delilah's gaze dropped to the small hole on the elbow of her light pink shirt. It had MK on the bottom in gold sequins and Delilah bit her lip.

"Did you glue those on yourself? Are you that desperate for attention?" Kristen mocked, jabbing her finger at the blonde.

Delilah flinched back. She remembered when she tore that hole this morning, her arm having caught on the elevator.

If only Kristen and Piper knew who her dad worked for. Who her aunt and uncle were.

"Can I please go?" Delilah asked in a whisper.

"What's that, deli meat?" Piper asked obnoxiously.

They'd taken to calling her that because of her name. Delilah hadn't expected being called a food product would hurt like it did.

"I said, can I please go?" She said a little louder.

"That's not very nice. We're trying to talk to you." Kristen snapped.

Delilah sighed, her eyes on the ground. Because she wasn't looking, she didn't see when Piper reached out and shoved her back.

Delilah fell to the ground and the popular girls let out shrieks of laughter.

The blonde quickly scrambled to grab her stuff as the girls walked off. Just as she gathered everything, two pairs of feet approached her and she looked up.

Two nervous looking boys that Delilah recognized as in her grade, stood there with sorry looks. The brown haired boy reached his hand out. "Need help?"

She took his hand gratefully and smiled. "Thank you." She said softly as he pulled her up with ease.

"It's no problem." He said, his cheeks flushing.

Delilah hid a grin. "We saw Kristen and Piper picking on you." The black haired boy said.

Delilah shrugged, her smile fading. "Anyway, I'm Ned Leeds, this is Peter Parker." He said.

"Delilah Hogan." She replied with a small smile.

"It was nice meeting you, Delilah. See you." Ned said, and the two boys walked off.

Delilah stared after them in interest for a few moments, before turning back to her locker and putting her stuff away.

Then she grabbed her bag out and closed her locker, walking outside. As she made her way toward a familiar black Audi, she couldn't help but think that the name Peter Parker sounded familiar.


	2. Too Many Calories

  
"How was school, Lily?" Happy asked as Delilah climbed into the passenger seat.

"It was okay, dad." She mumbled, putting her bag on the floor and buckling up.

"We're stopping at McDonald's because Tony wants a burger." Happy responded, driving off.

Delilah snorted and rolled her eyes. "Of course he wants a burger. Can I get a shake?" She knew it was so many calories, but she hadn't eaten anything else today, so it didn't really count, right?

** _Of course it counts, fatty._ **

Delilah concealed a flinch.

"Sure. Want anything else?" He replied.

"Nope." Her lips smacked on the P.

"Well, more for me." Happy said.

Delilah wrinkled her nose. "That's not how that works."

"Oh hush."

She laughed quietly.

"Hey dad?" She asked a little while later, sipping on her delicious chocolate shake.

"Yeah?"

"Does the name Peter Parker ring a bell?" She asked.

Happy hummed in affirmation. "Yeah, he's Tony's intern, remember?"

"Oh. I met him today." She said.

He glanced over at her as they parked in the tower's garage. "Yeah?"

"Mhm. He said five words to me. Doesn't talk much." She answered as they stepped into the elevator.

Her dad let out a bark of laughter and she looked over to him in confusion.

"You're joking, right? That kid does not shut up."

Delilah shot him a confused frown. "He seemed so shy. His friend Ned had to tell me his name."

Happy rolled his eyes. "Trust me, Lily, if you got to know him, he'd talk your ear off.

Delilah was hesitant to believe him, but didn't get to respond, as the elevator doors opened.

They walked out and her eyes flicked around the familiar surroundings for a few seconds, before her dad wrapped his arm around her quickly.

"I've got to go find Pepper, you run this in to Tony." He shoved the takeout bag into her hand and kissed the top of her head.

Delilah squirmed away, nodding. "See you Lily!" He called.

"Bye dad!" She returned, skipping into the lab.

"Hey Uncle Tony!" She exclaimed, prancing over to him.

Tony looked up at her. "Hey kiddo."

Then he promptly reached out and made grabby hands at the food. Delilah rolled her eyes and handed it to him.

He peeked inside the bag and grinned. "_Two_ cheeseburgers? Your dad must've been feeling generous." He teases, unwrapping one and taking a bite out of it.

Delilah rolled her eyes, dropping onto one of the work benches and pulling her homework from her bag, working in silence.

"Music, Fri." Tony called.

AC/DC started blaring and a grin twitched on her lips. For some reason, as she worked on her assignments, she couldn't get Peter Parker off her mind.


	3. Real Friends

As she dressed, Delilah made sure not to put on anything with the brand showing, because she didn't want a repeat of yesterday.

She walked from her room with a yawn, and pulled her hair up into a ponytail. "Good morning, Lilah." Her aunt greeted as she walked into the kitchen.

"Morning Aunt Pepper." Delilah responded, opening a cupboard and pulling a granola bar out to appease Pepper.

"Come on Lily, you're going to be late." Happy called, walking toward the elevator.

"Bye Aunt Pepper!"

She stepped into the elevator with her dad before the woman could respond.

Delilah shoved the granola bar in her pocket, just as they entered the garage.

Happy scanned her breakfast choice and frowned. "We could stop for breakfast somewhere."

She rolled her eyes. "No dad. Like you said, I'm gonna be late. I'll just eat a big lunch." She said.

He nodded, seeming satisfied with her answer as they got in the car. Delilah didn't have the heart to tell him she definitely would not be getting a big lunch (or any lunch at all). Kristen and Piper would make fun of her.

_ **Throw the food away, it's too much.** _

Duh, of course she would.

Pulling up to the school, she gave her dad a quick hug and ran inside. "Bye Lily!" He shouted, driving off.

|•|

Delilah sat, humming softly as her eyes flicked over the page of her book. She flinched in shock as someone sat beside her.

She blinked and looked over at a brown haired girl that was looking at her.

She stuck her hand out. "MJ."

Delilah blinked and shook the girl's hand. "Delilah." She responded.

"I know." MJ said nonchalantly and started eating.

Delilah huffed out a laugh and resumed her reading. "You gonna get food?" MJ asked, startling the blonde.

_ **Lie. Don't let anyone worry about you. ** _

"Uh, I already ate." She lied.

MJ raised her brow. "No you didn't, I was watching you."

Delilah narrowed her eyes. Okay, stalker much? "I meant for breakfast. I had a big one."

MJ stared at her for a minute, before sliding an apple over. "Eat."

Delilah huffed in confusion. "Not hungry." She sure did lie a lot, huh?

MJ frowned, but didn't take the apple back, instead pulling a book out and reading while she ate.

Delilah tried to read her book, but found she couldn't, nervously aware of the girl next to her.

"MJ! Why are you sitting over here?" A familiar voice called.

Delilah's head snapped toward Ned and Peter, who were walking over.

"Oh, hi Delilah." Ned said, and the boys sat down across from the girls.

"Hey." The blonde mumbled, glancing at MJ.

"I didn't know you were friends with MJ." Peter commented. Ah, finally more than five words.

"I didn't either." Delilah said drily. Peter and Ned snickered, while MJ just kept reading.

"So, Delilah, who's your favorite superhero?" Ned asked after shoving a piece of food in his mouth.

Her lips twitched in surprise. "Probably Iron Man." She said truthfully.

Ned let out a bark of laughter and Peter jabbed him in the side. "Peter knows Iron Man." Ned bragged.

Delilah covered her mouth with her hand, giggling softly. The other three frowned, thinking she didn't believe them.

"I know. You're his intern, right?" She finally said with a smile.

Peter nodded, grinning in relief. "So who's your favorite superhero?" She asked the two.

"Iron Man." Peter mumbled.

"Spider-Man." Ned said proudly.

Peter shot his friend a strange look and Delilah wondered what it meant. "Peter actually knows Spider-Man." Ned once again began bragging.

Delilah blinked. Even she didn't know who Spider-Man was, her dad and uncle hadn't told her. Though, she bet if she asked, they'd tell her.

Peter must've been close to Tony, then. "Cool." She simply said.

Delilah chatted with them for the rest of lunch, and for once, she thought she finally had some friends.


	4. Spider-Man Vs. Mugger

  
  


Delilah's phone pinged, just as she stepped out of the school. It had been a few weeks since she'd met Peter, Ned, and MJ, and she'd only been picked on by Kristen and Piper two more times.

Pulling out her phone, she opened a text from her dad.

_Dad: Hey Lily, I can't make it. Can you ride the train home?_

Delilah sighed, typing out a response.

_Delilah: yeah sure_

Stuffing her phone in her pocket, she began her walk toward the train station.

She rubbed her thin arms, wishing she'd worn a jacket today. She was always so cold lately.

Delilah turned down an alley she'd walked a million times before, a quick short cut to the train station.

This time, though, everything went different. As she walked down the alley, someone suddenly shoved her against the wall.

She shrieked in fear as the person held a gun to her head. Tears rushed to her eyes as she trembled, pure terror flooding through her.

"Give me all your money!" He demanded.

"O-okay! Okay!" Delilah cried, shakily reaching into her pocket.

He pressed the cold metal into the side of her head painfully, as she took too long for his liking.

She screamed, squeezing her eyes shut tightly. She expected him to yell at her again, but instead, he suddenly cried out in surprise.

Delilah opened her eyes quickly, wrapping her arms around herself as she saw the man being webbed to wall by Spider-Man himself.

"Anyone ever tell you it's not nice to aim guns at pretty ladies?" Spider-Man snarked at the man.

Delilah blinked in shock, her mouth falling open. Spider-Man looked to her and jumped down from the wall he had been sticking to.

"Hi, D-Miss!" He exclaimed.

She blinked again. "Thank you." She finally said quietly.

"It's no problem ma'am. The police are on their way, see you!"

Then he swung off on one of his webs and Delilah stared at him. Finally, she pulled out her found and dialled her dad, listening to sirens growing closer.

"_Hey Lily, what's up?"_ Happy asked.

"Um, can you come get me please?" She squeaked.

"_I thought you said you could take the train?"_

"I, uh, almost got robbed?" She said softly.

"_What? Are you okay? Where are you? What happened?" _

"I'm okay. I'm not hurt. Spider-Man saved me." Delilah answered.

"_Oh thank God. I'm on my way, stay there_." He said with a sigh. Happy hung up and Delilah pulled her phone away from her ear, wondering why in the hell Spider-Man's voice sounded so familiar.


	5. Coffee Stains

  
Delilah pretended not to notice the extra long hug her dad gave her before he let her out of the car. "Be safe." He muttered into her shoulder.

Delilah rolled her eyes. "Dad, the school is right there."

He raised his brow. "So?"

She laughed and pulled away. "Love you, bye."

"Love you Lily. I am never letting you take the train again by the way." He said.

Delilah laughed, heading inside the school and immediately looking for her friends.

She spotted them all at once, standing around her locker. "Hey guys." She called.

They all seemed relieved and she frowned in confusion. "So, anything interesting happen last night?" Ned asked, eyes wide.

"Well, Spider-Man saved me from being mugged." She said nonchalantly.

"Thank God for Spider-Man." Peter said with a smile and they all hugged her.

MJ and Ned laughed at Peter's words and Delilah wondered why. It wasn't really that funny.

After they pulled apart, Delilah shoved her bag in her locker and her friends just stood there waiting.

"I'll catch up with you guys later." She said with a smile.

"See you, Delilah, Im glad you're okay." Peter said quietly.

"Ditto." MJ added. Ned just grinned and the three walked off.

|•|

Delilah stalked toward the bathroom, looking around warily for Kristen and Piper. It was seven minutes after the last bell rang and her dad would definitely be mad or worried (probably both) with her.

She sighed in relief as she made it to the bathroom without a single bitch-sighting. She quickly realized why she didn't see them, though.

Kristen and Piper stood in front of the bathroom mirrors, touching up their makeup.

"Deli meat!" Kristen exclaimed, turning around with an obnoxious smile.

Delilah grimaced, turning to walk back out, when Piper's hand shot out, gripping her shirt by the collar and yanking her toward them.

She felt the expensive shirt tear and tears stung her eyes. "Don't walk away when she's talking to you." Piper sneered.

"What do you want?" Delilah spat angrily.

Her Aunt Pepper had gotten her this shirt. Kristen clicked her teeth, then took Piper's coffee and dumped it over the blonde's head.

Delilah gasped, stumbling back and dropping her stuff. "What the fuck is wrong with you?" She cried.

"Don't be rude, deli meat!" Kristen mocked, smiling.

"I've never done anything to you." Delilah said, her voice cracking.

** _It's because you're so fat and ugly._ **

"Aw, you gonna cry, baby?" Piper mocked.

Delilah's lips trembled and she picked up her ruined books and dropped them in the trash on her way out, flinching at their loud laughter behind her.

Dropping her gaze to the ground, she shuffled outside toward the familiar black Audi and climbed into the passenger seat.

"Lily! What the hell happened to you?" Happy exclaimed, looking over to her.

"Nothing." She muttered, looking out the window.

"Delilah?" A voice suddenly spoke.

She jumped and her head whipped to the side. "Holy shit! _Peter_?" Delilah cried.

"Dad! Why didn't you tell me Peter was here?" She hissed.

"I figured you'd see that once you got out here. Now, no changing the subject, what the hell happened?" Her dad demanded.

"Nothing!" She snarled, tears shining in her eyes.

Happy seemed shocked and she went back to looking out the window.

"Delilah-" Peter started.

"Shut it, Peter." Delilah growled.

They were silent all the way back to the tower.


	6. Breaking Down

As soon as they got to the tower, Delilah stormed through the common room, ignoring her Aunt Pepper calling after her.

She made her way to her room, slamming the door behind her. Finally in the safe confines of her room, her face crumpled.

Delilah knew the walls were soundproof, so she was completely safe to cry her eyes out. She pulled off her ruined shirt, sobbing heavily.

Why couldn't Piper and Kristen just leave her alone? What did she ever do to them? Sniffling, Delilah quickly stripped out of her clothes and wandered into the bathroom, locking the door behind her.

She stood in front of the mirror, trembling as she cried. Her eyes scanned her whole body. Her hair with coffee in it, and dried coffee all over her face and neck.

Then there was her thin bony limbs. Delilah prodded at her ribs that were jutting out and her sunken in stomach.

Delilah soon felt more tears welling in her eyes. Kristen and Piper must hate her because of how ugly and overweight she was. Why couldn't she just be pretty?

_ **You could never be, not weighing that much.** _

Why couldn't she be someone that others liked? That's what she thought as she stepped into the shower and wailed until she had no tears left to cry.

|•|

Delilah took a shaky breath as she opened the doors to her uncle's lab. She saw two people in there; her uncle and Peter.

"Hey, Lilah." Tony called, and she knew they were both pretending not to see her red puffy eyes.

"Hi Uncle Tony. Hey Peter." She mumbled.

Peter didn't respond, looking her over with a frown. Delilah dropped down in the seat next to Tony and immediately leaned over for a hug.

He wrapped his arms around her without hesitation. "What's up, Lilah?" He murmured.

She shrugged helplessly. He rubbed her back softly and continued talking with Peter like nothing was different.

Pretty soon, Delilah slumped over, asleep. "Could you carry her over to the couch, Pete?" Tony asked softly.

"Uh, sure Mr. Stark." Peter agreed, nodding.

He scooped up the blonde easily and frowned. She was way too light. She couldn't even weigh a hundred pounds.

Sure, Peter was really strong, but there was no way Delilah was a healthy weight.

He lied her down, still thinking about it the rest of the day.


	7. Worried Friends

Delilah fiddled with her sleeves as she walked into the school, her gaze on the ground.

She heard her friends talking quietly by their lockers and she trudged over.

"Hey." Delilah spoke up.

"Hey Delilah." Ned said with a grin.

Delilah tried to steady her quickening heartbeat. "Um, Peter? Can I talk to you?" She asked softly, her gaze flicking around.

"Uh, sure. See you guys at lunch?" Peter said with a small smile.

"See you, losers." MJ said, and they walked off.

Peter leaned against his locker. "So, what's up?" He asked nervously, glancing from the floor to her eyes, and repeating.

"I just wanted to apologize for how I acted the other day. I was just really upset because of Kristen and Piper." She gushed, a deep frown on her face.

"Oh, Del that's totally okay. I figured, with the coffee stains and, yeah. . ." Peter trailed off, his cheeks pink.

"Del?" She questioned.

He was about the color of a tomato and he rubbed the back of his neck. "Uh, sorry, I won't call you that anymo-"

"No, no! It's fine! I. . . I like it." Delilah mumbled, her cheeks flushing as well.

"O-oh." Peter muttered, smiling softly.

Delilah grinned, before they were suddenly interrupted by the bell ringing.

"Oh shit, Dad will kill me if I miss class." She hissed, running down the hall.

Peter sprinted after her. "By the way, Happy being your dad is still weird!"

She snickered and they reached their class just before it started. Peter didn't seem winded at all, but Delilah sat there for the first few minutes of class, gasping for breath quietly.

Peter couldn't help but frown at how winded she was after only a few seconds of running.

|•|

"Del, why aren't you eating?" Peter asked.

Her gaze flicked up toward her three frowning friends. "I always eat a big breakfast." She lied a little too quick.

"How? You said a few weeks ago that you wake up at seven. You're always here by seven thirty, and the tower is fifteen minutes away." MJ pointed out.

Delilah blinked, before looking to Peter. "You told them." She accused, pointing a thin finger at him.

_ **Such fat hands. God, why do you eat so much?** _

She quickly dropped her hand back into her lap to hide its shaking.

"Well, yeah. You don't mind, do y- wait. Don't change the subject. Seriously, I've like never seen you eat." Peter said seriously.

_ **Good. That means you're doing good.** _

Delilah shrugged, her heart pounding. "Yeah. . . Also, no offense, but you're like really skinny." Ned added.

** _People think you're skinny? That's a first._ **

"Yeah, so?" Delilah snapped defensively.

"Del. . . You can't even weigh a hundred pounds." Peter said softly.

"Hogan, there's no way that's healthy." MJ said, staring right at Delilah.

"Not healthy? There's nothing wrong with me." She argued.

"Delilah. . ." Peter trailed off.

"There's nothing wrong me!" She exclaimed, her voice cracking. The other three recoiled in shock.

"What's that, deli meat?" A familiar voice called from across the room.

Delilah flinched and dropped her gaze to the ground, tears stinging her eyes.

"Hey. We're sorry, dude. Nothing's wrong with you." MJ said, with anger in her voice.

_ **She's angry at you. Why did you snap at her? Now she'll hate you.** _

Delilah stood abruptly and dashed from the room, ignoring the tears streaming down her face.


	8. The Monsters

Why couldn't she stop crying? The past few days, all Delilah seemed to do was cry.

Before (before what? She didn't know.), it was rare for her to cry. If Piper and Kristen picked on her, she got angry.

If something inconvenienced her, she brushed it off. If the monsters in her head tried to put her down, she disagreed.

But ever since she gave in, ever since she started to listen and believe everything the monsters said, she felt worse and worse.

She was always starving, but that didn't matter when she could wrap her fingers around her wrist easily. She was always crying, but that didn't matter when she had a thigh gap even with her legs together.

She really, really hated herself, but it didn't matter because her bones jutted out so, so beautifully.

Sometimes she wished she could go back to the way things used to be. She wished she could dance around in shorts and not feel self conscious.

She wished she didn't cry every time she had a bad day. She wished she didn't hear the monsters.

After the incident in the lunchroom, Delilah had hid in the bathroom sobbing the rest of the day, then sat in silence as her father drove her home. 

That led her to now, sitting on her bathroom floor and crying loudly. She didn't even know why she was crying.

Everything just hurt and she was just so sad. Delilah just wanted the feelings to get out. She just wanted it out.

But how did someone remove feelings that were practically in their veins?

_ **Cut them out.** _

Delilah flinched in shock at the voice. Cut them out? That. . . actually didn't sound so bad.

Still crying, she crawled over to the cupboard and opened it, pulling out a brand new package of razors.

With tears still dripping down her face, and her chest heaving, Delilah ripped it open, holding up one of the razors with pursed lips.

It took her a few minutes because of her shaky hands, but she finally broke it open, her fingers dripping blood.

Little blades scattered all over the tile floor and Delilah let out a sob of frustration.

She grabbed one with a trembling hand and held it up. Should she really do this?

_ **Yes! Just do it already! It'll make you feel better. ** _

Struggling to breathe properly, Delilah shakily held the metal to her wrist.

And with one last second of hesitation, she dug it into her skin and dragged it across her wrist.

The skin around it puffed up, red like wine. The blood beaded up perfectly, in a crimson dotted line. It tingled and it burned at first, but then it felt good.

Her body was in pain but her mind was at ease. And she suddenly felt the need to do it again.

One cut turned into two, and two into four, and pretty soon, her entire arm was covered in little red scratches.

The blood started to drip and roll down her skin, and a smile appeared on her lips.

Everyone else was happy, so why couldn't she be too?


	9. Nothing Left

  
Fidgeting with her sleeves, Delilah glanced around at her family. Pepper, Tony and Happy were sitting at the counter with her, and a plate of pancakes had been placed in front of her before she had time to protest.

It was Saturday, so she didn't have school, but that made everything so much worse. She had to last two days without them growing suspicious.

"Aren't you going to eat, Delilah?" Pepper asked with a small smile.

"Im actually not really that hungry." She lied, picking at her nails.

"You haven't eaten anything today." Tony pointed out, raising a brow.

"I, uh, snacked a bunch last night. I think I'm just gonna go back to bed. . ." Delilah trailed off, hooking her thumb behind her.

"Nonsense. C'mon, Lily, eat up." Happy said, rolling his eyes.

_ **Just get it over with already and don't eat anything the next few days, idiot.** _

The blonde nodded, smiling weakly. She took a small bite, nearly grimacing as the pure calories tasted like dust on her tongue.

The adults seemed satisfied and went back to their regular conversations, and Delilah continued to slowly eat the sugary food.

It took everything in her not to start crying right then. She felt sick as she finished the last bite, then put her plate in the sink amd trudged off to her room.

There, she finally let her tears fall. God, they probably though she was a pig! She'd eaten two whole pancakes! She could practically feel the weight just piling on.

She needed to get rid of it. She needed to get it out. Stumbling into her bathroom, Delilah dropped to her knees and shoved her fingers down her throat.

She puked until there was nothing left, so she just dry heaved and sobbed. She lied her head on the toilet seat, tears dripping down her face. Squeezing her eyes shut, she wished she could just stop.

Delilah's eyes flew open and she sat up, startled at the thought. Stop. . . She shook her head. Of course not. She'd never do that.

But maybe she could get the feelings to stop for a little while. . . Opening the cupboard, she pulled out her blade.


	10. Foolproof Plan

  
Delilah developed a foolproof plan. Everyone was becoming suspicious because she hadn't been eating.

So she simply had to eat in front of others. Then throw it all up later. It was foolproof. Nobody would figure it out and everyone would stop being so concerned.

So Delilah sat down at the lunch table with a tray of food for the first time since middle school, and avoided the gazes of her friends.

She nibbled on an apple at first and talked quietly with her friends. "I'm sorry for snapping the other day. MJ, you know. . ." She lied with a small half grin.

MJ nodded in understanding while Ned and Peter flushed, coughing. The girls laughed quietly.

"O-oh." Peter stuttered, eyes on the ground.

Delilah grinned, her first real smile in a while.

"So I didn't mention it before, but you call Mr. Stark 'uncle'?" Peter questioned.

Delilah nodded. "Yep. He and Aunt Pepper have been around since I was little." She confirmed.

MJ looked to her with interest. "So, what's it like being so close to one of the most successful women in the world?"

Delilah smiled brightly. "It's amazing. Aunt Pepper is so nice, to me anyway, and she always bosses Uncle Tony around, and I think dad is afraid of her, I mean who wouldn't be afraid of her-"

She was cut off by the other three laughing. She joined in on the laughter, struggling to catch her breath as she just could not stop laughing.

Finally, Delilah stopped, sighing happily. Somehow, her eyes found Peter's and stayed there.

Peter was so fucking adorable. . . And she didn't deserve him one bit.

|•|

Nobody suspected a thing when she emptied her stomach before the next class. And she smiled. Everything was just. . . Right.


	11. Bloody Spider

Delilah pranced into her uncle's lab, simply happy after the plan she'd made a few weeks ago. She'd been so much happier lately.

And also so much skinnier. She didn't think she was that fat anymore, but the monsters always said she was.

The monsters never shut up anymore. But she could distract herself usually. By cutting out the thoughts.

Delilah winced at that, dropping down in her usual spot. "Hey Lilah." Tony greeted.

"Hey Uncle Tony. When's Peter coming over?" She said nonchalantly.

Tony raised his brows, turning toward her. "Why? You like him?" He asked with a smirk.

"Wha- No!" Delilah exclaimed, her cheeks flushing red.

Even if she did like Peter, he would never like her back. Or could he? Maybe. . .

_ **Of course not, you're disgusting. Why would he ever love you? ** _

Delilah dropped her gaze to the ground.

"_Sure_." Her uncle teased, turning back to his work.

"The kid should be here in about an hour or so, he's busy right now." Tony finally answered.

Delilah nodded and started working on her school assignments.

Did she like Peter? Sure, he'd never like her, but did she like him? She wasn't quite sure.

Delilah thought of his adorable chocolate colored eyes, and his soft looking brown curls, and how cute he was when he laughed and smiled- okay, yeah, she definitely liked him.

Delilah sighed, forlorn, and dropped her head into her arms. Then, suddenly there was a loud thump at the window.

"What the fuck!" Delilah shouted, jumping up. Sticking to the window, was Spider-Man himself.

"Holy shit! Kid, what the hell!" Tony yelled, opening the window.

Spider-Man fell inside, leaving a streak of blood behind and clutching stomach.

"Oh my god, what the fuck." Delilah hissed.

"God, Pete, what did you do?" Her uncle exclaimed, closing the window and leading Spider-Man over to the small hospital-like bed in the corner.

"Pete?" Delilah murmured in confusion.

Spider-Man pulled his mask off, gasping in pain. Delilah's face fell. Of course the boy she liked had been lying to her the whole time she knew him.

"Peter? Peter Parker?" Delilah questioned incredulously.

"Mm, yeah, hi." Peter grunted out, his eyes following Tony, as the billionaire ran around gathering medical supplies.

"What the hell did you do?" The blonde asked, brushing her hair behind her ear and stepping closer.

"Got stabbed by a mugger. Hey, listen, I am so sor. . ." Peter's eyes rolled into the back of his head and he passed out.

"Uncle Tony!" Delilah cried, with a petrified look on her face.

"Fuck! Shit, Peter! God damnit!" Tony yelled, rushing over to him.

"Delilah, call Cho!" He demanded.

The teen nodded shakily amd found her uncle's phone, quickly scrolling through his contacts to find Helen Cho.

"_Tony_?"

"Uh, M-Miss Cho? Can you like please hurry to Uncle Tony's lab?"

"_Delilah? Uh, yeah, of course. I'm on my way."_

Delilah put the phone down and blinked at it.

"Well?" Tony asked impatiently, holding a towel to Peter's stomach.

"She's coming." Delilah said softly. Then she started to back out of the room.

"When he wakes up, tell him I'm sorry." She said softly. Tony didn't seem to hear her, but she didn't care, stumbling out of the room with stinging eyes and blurry vision.

Delilah struggled to catch her breath, finally letting out a sob once she locked herself in her room.

Peter was hurt, Peter was Spider-Man, and she was so, so afraid.

There was so much blood, and Peter could die. Delilah stumbled into her bathroom, her vision fading in and out for a moment as she struggled to breathe properly.

Peter could die, and she hadn't even told him how she felt. She let out a sorrowful cry and used the sink to pull herself up, nearly toppling over with the effort.

Staring at her reflection, she furiously wiped her eyes, her lips trembling as she took in her ashen face.

The dark circles under her eyes were so prominent, it looked like she'd never slept in her life. And her hair looked dull and flat, her eyes lifeless.

God, she looked. . . Dead. A sob slipped from her throat. Would that really be so bad? To die?

Delilah shook her head, shuddering, and once again pulled out her trusty razor, not leaving her bathroom until there were countless red scratches up and down her bony arm.

Delilah stumbled from the restroom, falling into her bed, body shaking with silent sobs.

_ **Maybe you really should die. It'd make everyone else happy.** _

She cried herself to sleep.


	12. Bloody Tiles

Delilah rolled over with a groan. Then her eyes snapped open as she hissed in pain. Sitting up, she pulled up her sleeves and let her eyes rake over the many little red lines.

Squeezing her eyes shut for a moment, she let out a small breath. "Friday?" She called softly.

"Yes, Miss Hogan?" The AI responded cheerily.

"Is Peter okay?" She asked hopefully.

"Mr. Parker is resting in the Medbay. Would you like to go see him?" Friday said helpfully.

_ **No! He obviously wouldn't want to see you.** _

Delilah grimaced. "No thanks, Fri." She mumbled.

Friday was silent for a moment. "Mister Parker is asking for you." She suddenly spoke.

Delilah narrowed her eyes, letting her sleeves fall back down and shoving he hands in her pockets.

"Did you tell him I asked about him?"

A beat. "No."

She took too long to respond, she was lying.

"Whatever, Fri. I'll be down in a minute." Delilah grumbled, climbing out of her bed and trudging toward her bathroom with a brief yawn.

She stopped in the doorway, her mouth dropping open in horror. There was blood smeared on the tiles and on the sink.

"Holy shit." She hissed in a destitute excuse of a whisper.

Delilah quickly pulled open the cupboard and grabbed some disinfectant wipes, and began scrubbing at all the red.

It took her about thirty minutes, and her fingers were terribly sore. She knew she wasn't supposed to, but she flushed the wipes and put the container back, stalking from her room and hoping nobody thought she looked suspicious.

"Hey, Lilah." Pepper called with a smile.

"Hey Aunt Pepper, I'm just going to visit Peter in the Medbay." She explained with a small, fake smile.

"Alright, see you Sweetheart." The woman murmured, her eyes flicking over the tablet in her hands.

Delilah rode the elevator down to the Medbay and walked in, the doors swishing closed behind her.

"Del?" A familiar go asked, and her gaze flicked to the other side of the room, where dorky Peter Parker was perking up in his bed.

"_Peter_." Delilah sighed in relief, rushing over to him and smiling (a real smile this time).

"Hi Delilah, look, I just wanted to say I'm really, really sorry for not telling you I'm Spider-Man. Like, you're my best friend and you deserved to know and I didn't tell you, and I'm really sorry." He gushed, giving her a timid smile.

Her eyes had slowly widened throughout the rant, and now she just stared at him, shocked.

"Peter, it's okay." She finally said.

Peter sighed happily.

Delilah suddenly narrowed her eyes. "Wait a second, I'm your best friend? I've known you a few months. How could I be your best friend?"

Peter suddenly liked pale and fearful. "Uh, _becauseIlikeyou_?" He squeaked.

"Huh?" Delilah asked, confused.

"Because I like you?" Peter said more slowly, eyes on the ground.

"Wh- Like a friend, or like-" Delilah's nervous ramble was cut off by Peter's lips on hers.

_ **He's only doing this because he pities you. ** _

Delilah didn't care, she didn't care at all. For now, she just kissed him, keen and luminous.


	13. Old Nicknames

"Goodbye, Lilah!" A voice called.

"See you Aunt Pepper." Delilah mumbled, stepping into the elevator.

She fidgeted with her sleeves nervously and tapped her foot impatiently.

Once she made it down to the garage, she quickly climbed into her dad's car and dropped her bag by her feet.

"Hey, Lily, you eat breakfast?" Happy asked, pulling out of the garage.

"Yep." She lied easily. It was a daily thing, lying.

They didn't speak the rest of the way to the school. Happy parked and Delilah reached for the door handle.

Her dad's hand shot out and rested on her bony wrist. "Hang on a minute, Lily." He said softly.

Delilah's heart began pounding furiously. "U-uh, yeah?" She squeaked.

"Look, Delilah, I know I'm not around much, but you know I love you, right?" He said gently.

_ **He's lying. ** _

Delilah forced herself not to flinch or grimace. "Of course I know that. I love you too." She murmured, throwing on a fake half-smile.

"Bunny, I've noticed how down you've been lately. You know you can always talk to me, right?" He said quietly.

Delilah recoiled in shock at the nickname. He hadn't called her Bunny since she was five and happy and adorable.

"O-of course, daddy." She choked out, blinking away tears.

He smiled and she fell forward into his arms, wrapping her own around herself.

Happy held his daughter close and let out a content sigh. "Love you, Sweetheart, now time for school."

She pulled away with a small, genuine smile, and climbed out of the Audi.

"Bye dad." She said with a wave, then shuffled inside.

"Del!" A familiar voice called.

A large grin nearly split her face in half. "Peter." She breathed, quickly walking forward and letting his arms wrap around her.

Delilah inhaled, her face in his neck. Then she sighed happily and pulled away.

Peter placed a timid kiss on her lips and they both blushed. Delilah brushed her hair behind her ear.

"Yeah, that's gonna take some time to get used to." She admitted with a small laugh.

Peter chuckled and the two made their way toward Ned and MJ. For once, Delilah noted happily, the monsters were unusually quiet.

That didn't last, though, as hours later she was crying and gagging in the bathroom, heaving up her calorie filled lunch.

|•|

Later, Delilah climbed into her dad's car and leaned against the door, staring out the window with a forlorn look.

"Hey, Lily, how was school?" Happy asked, starting to drive toward the tower.

"It was okay." She answered, eyes flicking around as she watched the scenery go by.

Suddenly she got a thought and reached up to fidget with her hair. "Hey dad, what would you think of Peter and I-"

She cut herself off as Happy suddenly slammed the breaks, staring at her with wide eyes.

"Dad? Wha- dad?" Delilah questioned with her brows furrowed.

Happy slowly pulled over to the side of the road and looked back to her. "Peter and you, what?" He finally growled, dangerously low.

Delilah huffed. "Peter and I are dating." She decided to just get it out there.

His eyes widened so much, she was surprised they didn't fall out of his head.

"Dating? What? No way! I disapprove! It's not happening!" Her dad cried.

Delilah let out a surprised giggle. "Daddy, I'm almost sixteen, I'm allowed to date." She giggled out.

"Wha- said who? No way! You aren't allowed to date until you're thirty!" Happy exclaimed, trying to make his voice sound grave.

"Would you rather it be someone else you don't know? Or would you rather it be nerdy Peter Parker?" She teased.

Happy frowned, staring the car again and not responding. She giggled quietly while he grumbled profanities under his breath.

As Delilah leaned against the door, staring out the window, she smiled. For once, the monsters were unusually silent.


	14. Aunt May

  
"Are you sure about this, Peter?" Delilah murmured quietly. Peter rolled his eyes, tugging her along with him.

Her fingers were tangled in his and she felt some sort of warmth she'd never felt before.

"Yes, Del. She'll love you." He assured with a small grin. Delilah let out a timid laugh and followed him up the stairs to his apartment, skipping every other one and letting an animated smile cross her lips as she heard Peter's adorable laugh.

The monsters were quiet. They always seemed quiet when she was with Peter.

They finally made it and Peter unlocked the door and pushed it open. "May! I'm home! I brought my friend!" He called.

A sorrowful frown moved her features down. His friend? He was too afraid to tell his aunt who she really was to him?

Her hand slipped from his and she shoved them in her pockets.

"Oh? Who's your friend?" A woman asked, sticking her head out from behind the living room wall.

"May, this is Delilah. She's my girlfriend." He said, blushing and dropping his gaze to the ground.

He didn't sound hesitant at all, did he? He must've just been breaking the ice!

_ **God, you're so self-conscious and you over think everything. This is why nobody likes you.** _

May's eyes lit up in delight. "_Girlfriend_? Pete, why didn't you tell me! C'mere Delilah, tell me all about you!" The woman exclaimed, grabbing Delilah's hands and pulling her toward the couch.

"May!" Peter groaned.

"Shoo! Go to your room and do nerdy stuff or go patro-ah, or go to your Stark Internship." May said, a deer in headlights look on her face.

Delilah and Peter snickered in unison. "My dad is Happy Hogan, I know about Peter being Spider-Man." She explained.

May's eyes widened. "Oh. I didn't know Happy had a kid." She said thoughtfully. Peter rolled his eyes and trudged toward his room.

"I'm gonna go patrol for a bit, see you later Del." Once his door was firmly shut, May grinned from ear to ear.

"So, _Del_. What's your full name?" May asked.

Delilah blushed, fighting a smile. "Delilah Sarah Hogan." She answered bashfully.

"Beautiful name. Delilah Sarah Parker just rolls off the tongue." May said with a lopsided smile.

"Mrs. Parker!" Delilah exclaimed, laughing.

It did sound kind of nice.

_ **It'll never be your name.** _

Delilah knew that, she did. But she could dream. "Okay, favorite color?" The older woman asked, leaning back against the couch.

"Um, probably purple." Delilah said truthfully.

"Why?" May asked.

Delilah's eyes lit up as she remembered a moment a few weeks ago during lunch when the two were talking quietly.

"I never really had one before a few weeks ago, but Peter started trying to guess and he shouted 'Purple!' and just the way he smiled and his eyes sparkled made me realize that I love purple, just because of him." She answered, smiling gently.

May tilted her head, a fond and thoughtful look on her face. "You know, I used to think Pete would end up with Michelle." She said.

Delilah blinked in shock. May didn't want her to be with Peter. She must've liked MJ more.

_ **Of course she does. Why would anyone prefer you over MJ?** _

"But seeing how you are with him, even for just a little bit, I think you two are right for each other." She concluded.

A surprised smile found its way onto Delilah's face.

_ **She's lying. ** _

Probably, but Delilah didn't care. "Th-thank you, Mrs. Parker." She said quietly.

"Please, call me May. Onto the next question."

Delilah quite like Peter's aunt. "Okay, so favorite food?"

And just like that, Delilah's rare good mood was gone. "I don't know, don't really have one." She mumbled.

May tilted her head again, this time with a frown. "Why not?"

Delilah shrugged, feeling sick at just the thought of food. As if to mock her, a pang of pain stabbed at her stomach. Her eye twitched.

"I just don't." She mumbled, wrapping her arms around her middle.

May scanned her up and down, then her eyes softened. "Honey, you're nearly skin and bones." She murmured.

Delilah's eyes flicking to the ground and she swallowed. "Delilah, when was the last time you ate something, sweetie?" May inquired.

It took her a moment to think, and she still didn't know exactly. She shrugged.

"Oh, honey. Why?" May asked, sounding devastated.

Delilah shrugged again, her pursed lips trembling. May suddenly reached forward and tugged Delilah into her arms.

The teen broke down into silent sobs, wrapping her thin arms around May's waist.

May rubbed Delilah's back, grimacing at how skeletal she seemed. "It's alright Delilah. You can rest for a bit. I'm going to order Thai. You like Thai?"

The blonde merely shrugged again. May pulled out her phone, still rubbing Delilah's back, and began talking softly.

Delilah's eyes drooped and she sighed softly. In what seemed like jut a few minutes later, May got up for a moment, leaving Delilah to groan at the absence of warmth.

She was back in a few moments, though, pressing a warm container into her hands. Delilah moaned, cracking her eyes open.

"Eat. Just a bit, sweetie." May said soothingly.

Delilah yawned, her thoughts foggy and jumbled from her sleepiness.

She nodded tiredly. She could just throw it up later. But after finishing the small bit of food she was given, she slumped in May's arms and fell asleep.

When Peter came back a few hours later, he found his two favorite people asleep on the couch. He smiled.


	15. Crimson Puddle

Delilah hummed softly as she swung her legs back and forth. On Peter's bed. He shot her a grin.

"Hey, Del, listen to this song." He said awkwardly, holding up his phone.

She tilted her head toward it in interest.

"_Hey there Delilah, what's it like in New York City?-"_

Delilah burst out laughing and Peter stopped the song, snickering quietly. Once they were done laughing, Delilah continued looking at him with a fond look.

Peter, however, flicked his gaze to the ground, looking conflicted. "Um, I have to go to the bathroom." He suddenly said, jumping up and dashing from the room.

Delilah raised her brow. Why did he take his phone with him?

** _He's trying to get away from you, duh._ **

She winced. But seriously, why was he taking his phone? Was he going to watch porn or something?

Delilah laughed out loud at that. Peter was way too innocent to even think about that.

Then she bit her lip. But if he was taking his phone, did that mean he was going to have a conversation that he didn't want her hearing?

Hesitating for a split second, Delilah darted from the room quietly, glad May wasn't there to see her spying on her nephew.

Delilah held her breath, remembering about his enhanced hearing.

She pressed her ear to the door with an inaudible step closer. She squinted, hearing his hushed voice.

"-don't know what to do, Ned. I like her, I do, it's just, I think I might like MJ too. What the hell do I do?"

Delilah clamped her hand over her mouth to keep from making a noise. His words rung in her ears.

She kept listening. "-to hurt her, I really like her, and I feel terrible. She would hate me."

** _He's talking about MJ, obviously. He feels terrible about dating you. Just break up with him before he can do it to you._ **

Delilah darted back toward the room, shakily grabbing a piece of paper with trembling hands.

She felt tears start to drip down her face and quickly scribbled down a small message.

_i don't think we're working out, sorry. we're over, peter. bye._

Delilah let out a small, stifled cry and pulled on her boots, swiping her phone up from his bed and stuffing it in her pocket.

Glancing back around, she sniffled quietly. Then she left the apartment, closing the door behind her.

She hesitated at the steps. She could go back and throw away the note. She could act like nothing was wrong, just to get a little more time with him.

Delilah took a shuddering breath, and started the walk home. It would only hurt more if Peter said it.

|•|

Locking herself in her bathroom, Delilah leaned against the sink and sobbed. She'd known the relationship wouldn't last, in fact it went on longer than she thought it would, but it still hurt.

Her phone kept going off, so Delilah angrily pulled it out and smashed it on the ground.

She let out a hysterical laugh. "Fuck!" She screamed.

She curled her fist and hit herself in the head with her palm, sobbing and gasping for breath.

Suddenly, she spun around, throwing her other fist into the wall as hard as she could.

Delilah crumpled to ground with a shriek, clutching her hand to her chest. "F-Friday, scan my hand." She gasped, eyes blinking rapidly.

"It seems you've obtained contusions on your first second and third knuckles, and a bruise on the fourth." She responded.

So nothing was broken. Good. That meant she didn't need medical attention.

Tears continued to blur Delilah's vision as she pulled out the familiar piece of metal she'd held so many times.

She slid down to the floor and pulled up her sleeve, smiling bitterly at the scabbed cuts on her arm. She'd lasted almost a week.

_ **Stupid, you should've done this days ago.** _

Delilah sniffled and dragged the razor across her wrist with a sharp intake of breath.

Then she did it again, trying to ignore the monsters that were slowly tearing her apart.

She didn't stop until her arm was dripping crimson liquid. Even then, she kept cutting and scratching and crying, just wanting all the voices to shut up.

Eventually, Delilah closed her eyes and fell asleep in a small pool of her own blood.


	16. And Yet

When Delilah woke, she felt disgusting. Her arm was coated in dry blood, and it was soaking her clothes and the floor.

She stood on trembling legs, cringing when the dry blood cracked as her arm moved.

Delilah stripped from her bloody clothes, flexing her sore hand with a desolate and tedious look.

"Fri, is my door locked?" She asked softly.

"Yes, Miss Hogan." Friday answered helpfully.

Delilah held her bloody clothes in her arms as she walked into her bedroom, immediately throwing them in her trash.

Then she walked back into her bathroom, taking a shaky breath and turning on the shower.

Once it was the right temperature, she climbed in, sticking her arm under the warm spray.

Delilah hissed in pain, but watched in satisfaction as red water washed down the drain.

The blonde blinked, water dripping between her lashes. She noted with a small frown that cuts were scattered all over her arm, all the way up to her shoulder.

Delilah looked to right arm, which was completely clear, no cuts in sight. It made tears sting her eyes.

She didn't know why. Maybe she wanted there to be scars there, maybe she wished she didn't have any in the first place, she didn't know.

Closing her eyes, Delilah leaned against the shower wall and sobbed. Why did she have to be so _sad_ all the time?

She had a great life; she was wealthy, had friends, had family, she shouldn't be so _sad_. And yet, she was.

And yet, she still starved herself. And yet, she still cut lines on her arm until she passed out. And yet, she still didn't want to be here anymore.

Delilah stopped crying suddenly, shocked at her own thoughts. Even as the seconds ticked by, she didn't change her mind. She really didn't want to be here anymore. She didn't want to be alive.

She cried harder.


	17. Liar, Coward

Delilah adjusted the blanket around her shoulders, staring blankly at the wall.

"Hey Bunny, Friday said you said you aren't feeling well?" A soft voice called into her room.

The teen's eyes flicked to her father. She shrugged. Happy frowned and walked over, sitting on her bed.

"If something's bothering you sweetheart, you can talk to me." Happy murmured, brushing her hair behind her ear.

He eyed her sunken cheeks with a concerned frown. "I'm fine." Delilah murmured.

**_Liar_**.

She couldn't hold back her flinch. Happy's hand stilled in her hair. "Lily, talk to me. Please." He begged.

Tears stung her eyes, so she refocused on the wall. He sighed heavily. "I'm here if you need me, okay?"

Delilah didn't respond, her lips trembling. Happy saw, his heart breaking for his daughter. He knew something was wrong, but he had no clue what, or what to do about it.

"C'mere Delilah." He said softly.

The blonde slowly sat up, then fell into his arms. She wrapped her thin limbs around his large waist and squeezed her eyes shut.

Happy rubbed her back gently, hating how he felt her spine so easily. "You've gotta eat more, sweetie."

She huffed out a laugh. "I do eat." She just threw it up afterwards. He sighed, knowing it was true. He's seen her eat, so why was she so skinny?

Was she sick? "Lily, is there something you're not telling me?" He whispered.

Delilah stiffened for a split second, afraid he'd found out, but quickly relaxed. There was no way.

"Course not." She lied.

** _Liar, liar, pants on fire. _ **

Tears quickly soaked her dad's shirt, and he ignored them with a creased brow and pursed lips.

"I'm tired, daddy." Delilah muttered.

Happy sighed, pulling away. His eyes lingered on the tear tracks on her face. "Sleep tight, Bunny."

She smiled weakly at the nickname and curled back up under her blanket.

Happy stood and walked toward the door, just about to exit, with his hand on the knob, when Delilah spoke.

"By the way, I need a new phone. Broke my last one."

Happy continued to frown. "Alright."

He left. Delilah continued to cry.

** _You want to die, right? So just end it already._ **

Delilah sobbed, her hand over her mouth. "I can't." She wailed.

"You can't what, Miss Hogan?" Friday asked curiously.

She let out a sob/laugh. "I don't even know, Fri." She said honestly.

The AI didn't respond, and Delilah's entire body shook with her cries.

She couldn't. . . She couldn't kill herself. She wanted to, but she just didn't have the courage.

**_Coward_**.

Delilah slowly climbed out of her bed and walked on trembling legs toward her bathroom.

Grabbing her razor, she began her ritual of pulling up her sleeve and slicing the blade across her wrist.

She watched the skin puff up, and she watched blood fill the small gash, before slowly starting to drip down into her palm, like a river of crimson red.

Leaning against the wall, Delilah repeated the process. After the third cut, she dropped the blade, hands shaking too much to hold it.

She took gasping breaths, standing up with the help the sink. She nearly couldn't stand. What the hell was wrong with her?

** _You haven't eaten in a week, maybe you're finally dying._ **

Delilah was hit with a sudden wave of panic. Then it faded, and she sniffled, turning on the faucet and cleaning up her blood.

"Friday? Can you scan me? Am I dying?" She asked.

"Your vitals are extremely low, Miss Hogan, but you are not yet dying." Friday said helpfully.

** _Yet? Good. That means you will be soon. _ **

Delilah licked her lips, finding herself nodding along with the monsters.

A tear slipped down her face as she stared in her reflection. She found herself agreeing with the monsters more and more, and it absolutely terrified her.


	18. A Reason, Please

Waking that morning, Delilah stared at the ceiling for a long time, tears silently dripping down her face.

Today, she decided, would be the day she died. Unless someone gave her a reason to stay. Just one reason.

** _You will never have a reason to stay, just do it._ **

She climbed out of bed, silent as ever, head spinning, and didn't bother to change from the outfit she'd been wearing since the day before.

Delilah walked into the bathroom, and for once reached for her makeup instead of her blade.

She hid the bags under her eyes, hid her ashen face. She gave her cheeks and lips color, and she plastered a wide smile on her face.

It was fake, but it looked real, looked genuine. Walking from her room, the teen made her way toward the kitchen.

She found her aunt, uncle, and father at the table. "Hey Lilah! You feeling better today?" Pepper asked kindly and nudge a plate of eggs over to her.

Delilah sat down and picked up the fork that was at her spot. "Yep. I'm feeling a lot better." She lied.

Pepper smiled. "That's nice."

They ate in silence, and Delilah didn't even taste the food, choosing instead to just force it down and pretend to enjoy it.

Then she stood and brought her plate to the sink. "Alright, let's go Lily." Happy said, standing up as well.

Delilah trailed after her father slowly, glancing back at her aunt and uncle.

"Bye." _Tell me you love me, give me a reason to stay, please. _

Her silent prayer went unanswered.

** _They don't love you, you know this._ **

Sadly, she did know that. They made their way to the garage and Delilah silently got in the car with Happy.

They drove in silence and she picked at her nails. Happy parked at Midtown within a few minutes and gave her a small smile.

"See you Lily." He said.

_Call me Bunny, hug me, give me a reason, please. _

He didn't. "Bye Dad."

She walked inside the school, her head ducked. She didn't want anyone to notice her, to see her, but she did at the same time.

Delilah's eyes landed on Kristen and Piper.

_Leave me alone, just let me be. Give me a reason to stay, please._

"Hey deli meat? Where were you yesterday, the butchers?"

** _What did you expect? _ **

Delilah felt tears sting her eyes. She was desperate. She didn't want to live but she didn't want to die. Right now, she had all the reasons to die, but if she had one, just one reason to stay, she would.

** _You won't find one._ **

Delilah made her way to her first class and saw Ned. She sat in her usual spot by him. He didn't look at her.

"Ned?" _Just say something, don't hate me, give me a reason to stay, please. _

He didn't respond, but a muscle in his jaw ticked. He was angry. Peter must've told him what happened.

Tears began blurring her vision, so she dropped her head in her arms before anyone could see her cry.

"Is my class boring you, Miss Hogan?" A voice spoke up a few minutes later.

A few students snickered, and Delilah's head shot up, eyes red and tear tracks on her cheeks.

"N-no sir." She muttered, her voice cracking.

Ned frowned, glancing at her and opening his mouth to speak, but the teacher gave Delilah an understanding look and began his lecture, not giving Ned a chance to say a word.

The class ended and she darted from the room, not wanting to be in the presence of her old friend ignoring her any longer.

The next few classes didn't have anybody she knew in them, but her fourth period had MJ.

As she walked toward her usual spot with the brown haired girl, MJ stood and deliberately walked to another desk.

Delilah's heart broke. "MJ." It wasn't a question like Ned's name had been, but a statement.

She knew the other girl wouldn't respond. Michelle had a fiery anger in her eyes.

_Forgive me, give me a reason, please. _

MJ didn't look her way the rest of the class, and she didn't bother hiding her tears. She just stared at her desk as the salty droplets rolled down her cheeks.

** _They don't like you, they never did. You screwed up, so get over it and end it already._ **

Delilah was too tired to flinch or react to the monsters at all. She still had the rest of the day to get a reason, so the monsters could go fuck themselves for a few hours.

She skipped lunch, obviously, and stared at the bathroom wall for forty minutes.

|•|

Finally, the last class of the day, a study hall, she had Peter in it. Delilah walked on trembling legs toward their table, seeing him already there.

She sat in the seat across from him, taking note of his red eyes.

** _You caused that. You're a terrible person. How could you do that to such a sweet person?_ **

"Peter." She whispered.

He looked into her eyes sadly. "I can't do this right now, please." He murmured, sounding exhausted.

Oh god, she just wanted to hug him. She wanted to kiss him. She wanted sit on his bed and laugh and joke around.

She wanted to tease him with May and watch him get lost in his work when he tinkered in the lab with Tony.

But she would never get to see that again. Maybe. "Peter, please. . ." _I'm so sorry, let me speak, listen to me, give me a reason to stay, please. _

"Delilah, no." He said firmly.

The monsters were right. She had no reason. Her eyes widened for a split second, before she just sighed softly, sadly.

It hurt. It hurt so bad when he'd said her name. He hadn't called her anything but Del since they'd started dating.

And it hurt. She was nothing to him, now. Her breath hitched slightly and she slowly rested her head in her arms, painfully aware of Peter not even a yard away.

** _You have no one. You have nothing. So, just go. _ **

Delilah let her tears fall, and she knew that after today, she'd never see Peter Parker again.

She'd never see Michelle Jones, or Ned Leeds. She'd never see Kristen or Piper. She'd never see the school.

She'd never see anyone or anything ever again. And she found it strangely comfortable.

Delilah Hogan would be dead before the day was over.


	19. Left A Mark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I’m so sorry

Delilah got up and left as soon as the bell rang. She climbed into the back of her dad's car numbly, and stared out the window.

"You okay?" Happy asked, glancing at her puffy red eyes.

"Fine." She lied, her voice flat and eyes dead.

He sighed. They drove to the tower in silence. Delilah made her way to her room and locked herself in her bathroom, grabbing her blade.

** _Come on, make them look the same, at least. _ **

She cut up her other arm, not bothering to wash off the blood that just kept flowing like fine wine. She put her blade down and stumbled into her bedroom, vision blurring as she moved too fast.

Delilah carefully picked up a small purple notebook Peter had gotten her weeks ago, along with a pen.

After recording a quick goodbye video, she tucked it under the arm that wasn't currently bleeding, and started for the elevator.

"Where you going, Lilah?" Her Uncle Tony called.

She waved the notebook in the air. "Up to the roof to get some air. I'm gonna write."

It wasn't a lie for once.

"Oh, alright. Come back down soon, though, it's cold out." Tony said.

Delilah nodded, lied. She winced.

** _Still lying, even when you're going to die. _ **

She took a breath and stepped into the small, moving metal room. "Where to?" Friday asked cheerfully. Then again, when wasn't Friday cheerful?

"The roof." _Come on, you're a smart AI, surely you know what I'm going to do, stop me, please. _

"Right away, Miss Hogan."

Delilah let out a small sob. There was truly not one single reason left for her to stay alive.

The teen felt a cold breeze ripple through her clothes, and and cried softly. Nobody was up here to see her, so she pulled off her sweatshirt, letting her cuts air out.

Delilah climbed up onto the railing, sitting down and holding on until she was balanced enough to let go and open her notebook, beginning to write.

The blonde licked her lips as her tears tickled her nose and cheeks. Delilah smiled shakily, and she wrote.

_the monsters are stronger than ever. they are looking for a fight, looking to win. and this time i am going to let them. no reason to stay is a pretty good reason to go._

She tossed the notebook behind her, hearing it land half hazardly on the gravel of the roof.

Then Delilah carefully stood on the bars, wobbling dangerously. She stared down at the ground, cars racing around, looking as small as ants.

She supposed that people were all just ants. She inched forward, then hesitated.

Her sixteenth birthday was just a week away. She'd been planning on spending it with Peter.

Did she really want to do this? The elevator dinged but she ignored it.

_ **Yes. Now do it.** _

And so she did. Delilah would forever remain fifteen.

Maybe if she had hesitated for just a few minutes longer, then she would've been pulled down by her worried father and held until her tears dried.

Maybe she could've gotten help. Maybe she could have lived. But Delilah was gone. She was too far gone. She never got to see her family and friends screaming and wailing over her death.

She never got to recover, she never got to get better. But Delilah finally, finally silenced the monsters once and for all.

Delilah left a mark. Every word, every moment, every sigh, and half-smile. She left a mark


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last one!

Peter sniffled as he leaned against his aunt, crinkling the expensive new suit Tony had gotten him.

He buried his face in her shoulder and felt more tears well in his eyes as he thought of why he was sitting on the couch in the tower.

Because they'd just finished Delilah Hogan's funeral. May rubbed his back gently, struggling not to cry herself.

A strong hand suddenly rested on Peter's shoulder, and he didn't have to look up to know it was Tony.

"Boss, if I may." Friday said.

Everyone jolted in shock. "What, Fri?" Tony asked tiredly, rubbing at his red eyes.

"Miss Hogan recorded a video message the day of her passing." Peter flinched. He'd been so horrible to her.

"Play it." Happy croaked. Everyone looked to him sadly.

Ned and MJ sat on the floor by Peter's feet, Pepper and Tony sat beside May and Peter, Rhodey stood in the doorway, and Happy was standing next to the couch with red eyes and crossed arms.

"Of course, Mr. Hogan." Friday obeyed sadly.

A hologram appeared in front of the group, and all their breaths hitched at once.

Delilah sat on her bed, holding a familiar purple notebook in her lap, with a tired face.

"_Um, hey, I guess." _

Peter let out a sob.

"_So if you're watching this, then I guess nobody stopped me."_

Everyone flinched at that.

"_I don't want- I don't want any of you to blame yourselves_." She said, brushing her hair behind her ear.

Her sleeve fell down a bit, revealing red scratches on her wrist. She dropped her hand.

"_I think I hit the point in my life where I'm just done_." She said, her voice cracking.

Tears slipped from her eyes but she quickly wiped them away.

"_I cried. I fought. I really tried, I did." _

She did, Peter remembered when she had begged him to speak to her. It hurt.

"_But everything is crashing down."_ Delilah was blinking furiously, eying the notebook.

"_The monsters are screaming louder, trying to eat away the rest of me."_ She tapped her head like she was crazy.

"_And this time, I'm not going to fight back."_ Delilah let out a quiet sob.

"_I d-don't want to do this,"_ her eyes flicked toward the camera, "_but I have no reason to stay_."

They all flinched violently, remembering the phrase from the very notebook she was holding.

_"I was stupid to think Peter would want to stay with me."_

The boy in question gasped, hiccuping through his tears.

"_I was stupid to think Ned And MJ would keep being my friends." _

The teens were both silently crying.

"_I was stupid to think Aunt Pepper and Uncle Tony would care if I died." _

"Of _course_ we cared." Pepper whispered, anguished.

"_I was stupid to think Dad w-would care." _

Happy put his hand to his mouth, trying to stifle his cries.

"_I was stupid to think that Piper and Kristen would just leave me be_." She was practically screaming, tears rolling down her cheeks.

"_I just wanted someone to give me a reason to stay. I was __**screaming**__ in my head, I really want to but I just __**can't**__ anymore_."

And they remembered. They remembered every time they could've let her know she was loved, but they didn't.

"_So, uh, this is Delilah Hogan, signing off." _

She let out a tearful laugh and the video ended, pausing on her smiling face, with tears frozen on her cheeks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’ll admit, i’ve been planning deli’s death since before i started writing the story and i’m sorry if i made anyone sad. Also, thanks to the like 3 readers that stuck around :)


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